I feel I ought to blog something as my brain is nagging me ‘every week you said were going to piece something together, every week tut…Failure.’
My hands are dry, I keep rubbing lotion into them but it doesn’t help, I have the same situation with my lips, its a vicious cycle.
My job is truly rubbing me up the wrong way or rather the ‘management’ are, so I keep my desk draw stuffed with peanut M&Ms, minstrels, toffee crisps and jaffa cakes. Little brown gob fulls of sugary happiness. Nestled between my stock of treats are three hand creams and and several lip balms.
My memory doesn’t work any more, it muddles things up and blends words together, today I couldn’t get my head around the word anaesthetist so My mouth kept pumping out anaesthetic instead. A scarlet mist of anger started to creep up my spine as the pedantic person on the other end of the telephone line insisted they could work out what the feck I meant.
If one more person talks over me or transfers my call to yet another incorrect department as I am mid explanation, well, I’ll just angrily much on my Minstrels and call them a dick head under my breath for what else can I do?
You, woman on A&E reception desk, you’re an arsehole, three times I had to call before you got the point it was you I wanted to talk to and not a bloody stressed out doctor on call! Three times you cut me off and put me through to that snappy article.
You, every member of admin staff in Tier two orthopaedics, why don’t you change your voice mail message to something more suitable such as, ‘Leave your message after the tone, please note that we will not return your call EVER regardless of how many times you contact us. If you do ever have the rare pleasure of actually speaking to a member of our team, we will deny all knowledge of the event forever after. We are understaffed and over run, therefore we will ‘lose’ as many patients ‘in the system’ as we possibly can”.
That is an actual NHS term you know, ‘lost in the system’ It means no one has been arsed to update your file, process your referral or offer an appointment.
You, bloke who left me eight messages in twenty minutes stating it was very urgent but then couldn’t remember why he had rang when I called him back, piss off!
You, the guy who rejected a neurology referral because you ‘only’ process mental health referrals and then shouted at me for pointing it out! You are a knob. “yeah” he said ” I saw it said something about neurology on it but that’s not what I do is it? so I rejected it” meaning she will get seen no where ever. Well done mate.
Do not ever, ever trust your doctor, I have worked with too many for too long. They are human and they are above ‘the system’ if you do not take responsibility for your own care i.e. checking your medication dosage is still the same, chasing your own appointments, no one else is going to. Well, I’m going to but only after you have been admitted to A&E following a collapse or accidental overdose.
Am I in a mood? Possibly. Since my third child I have been introduced to the paranoid, self conscious, depressive episodes of PMS and right now I want to poke someone’s eyes out whilst eating fist fulls of black forest gateaux as YSL black mascara pollutes my salty tears.
Happy Thursday you tarts!