On the outside it’s beautiful.

If I had just one task, to wear nothing but blue. I’d wear the wrong shade and upset him deeper.

I am all the ill, take away this one presence and all would be well again.

It’s my voice, it’s my words, my manner, my tone, my look.

It’s the way I pile the dishes and make the bed. If i could just change these things.

If I could just change the way I like to spend time together in the evenings.

If I could change my hair and my appetite.

If I could not talk so much.

If I could listen better and learn not to interrupt, be supportive and pay more attention.

Maybe then my name wouldn’t be stupid, maybe then I wouldn’t embarrass myself so much.

If I could not be so greedy and give more, maybe even get another job.

If only I could complain less, feed the children a better diet and clean the house without moving a thing.

If I could just stop being so purposely irritating.

If only I could be grateful and not so demanding.

Then, then it would be different.


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